Edge of Sanity

So here I am, languishing inside my room of old. At this very moment, my mom meracau racau pasal ia sudah lali. She's been hit in the head one too many time. No kidding. Each and every night she would ramble about petty things, getting mad if we seemed to ignore her bellyaching. You see, Islam mewajibkan umatnya untuk mentaati parents. I'd say damn well we should. Looking at her now is like staring at my future. Will I end up like her? Given our family history, it's really not that impossible.

It is now a struggle trying to make her stay in bed and fall asleep. My asshole siblings are having trouble sleeping too at night because of what our mother has become. Well, I for one have to put up with her shit as long as she is alive because it would be to obvious if she dies in my care. Guess I'll never remarry. I am broke. BND$1 is all I have left in my wallet. Top that off with being unemployed, and you have a perfect recipe for a fucked up life beyond recognition. It's really depressing, from having to take care of my sick demented mother to realising the fact that I may as well end up as a failure in life. Something that I thought was behind me when I was first married to my then wife.

I don't even know how my son is doing now. All I know he is being well taken care of by my ex and her sister. I guess I would never know if I were able to spend time with him anymore. At least not while my parents are still alive. But even if they are dead it would probably be too late by then. Yes. This is the point in life where I feel like a complete failure. My other siblings they have it all. They have jobs, they keep their wives, they keep their husbands (sic), they have children, they have money. But I? Nothing. And that's exactly what I have right now. All I'm gonna do now is to wait until my mother rot from natural causes. I never regret saying things about my mother that most people deemed horrible. She never did too anyway. Why would she? She has said pretty much every horrible thing imaginable, and she still is pretty much now.

In between her dementia-fueled senilistic tirade, I was surprised that she has expressed concerns about my wife and kid. Of course, she doesn't know the truth yet. I leave that to my other whore of a sister to spill the beans because that's what that whore is good at. Anyway, her concerns although legit in nature, they aren't warm with sincerity. In all honesty, my family doesn't give a fuck about me, let alone my wife and kid. My dad in particular is a complete asshole who never gives a fuck about my kid or the fact that I have one. All he knows is trying to get me to return to the very house in which I am currently imprisoned at the moment. To him, I am nothing more than his property in human form. And he's been breathing down my neck ever since he found out that I was unemployed early this year. The plan was for me to get some cash and get the fuck out of this country. But that plan was cut short. All because I was trying to play both sides, between pleasing my unbelievably mentally ill family and fulfilling my duty as both husband and father at the same time. It's so easy for you to say that I should as a husband know how to manage this seemingly trivial bullshit. It is not. Especially when every one is trying their best to pull me into the vortex of inescapable agony while they gleefully flee from the resulting maelstrom of depravity.

At this point I highly doubt that things are going to change for the better. It's only getting worse from now on. And I am smacked dab in the middle of everything that is wrong. Depressed much? You bet. Without a job and having no money while taking care of a senile, rotting abomination, there isn't that much of an option to choose from. I am dying inside. I am beyond saving. I am just gonna watch my whole life slowly crumble before me.