2017: It Comes and it Goes..and it Goes Away Forever

Assalamualaikum warahmatulahi wabarakatuh semua. Mana-mana pembaca yang sudi membaca catatan ku ani, selamat datang ku ucapkan, termasuk para operatives KDN (Keselamatan Dalam Negeri) atau ISD (Internal Security Department) yang sedari dulu telah memerhati gerak geri ku yang sememangnya langsung inda membahayakan kepentingan negara, jauh sekali takhta kerajaan peribadi baginda.

Nada apa apa yang baru. It's just that I am feeling so miserable right now because my wife and I are about to file for divorce. I won't go into the details but yeah, I totally feel like shit right now. I am unemployed and by that means I have zero savings. My wife will definitely get custody of our son but at least she will still allow me to visit him every once in a while because let's face it, he needs his father too. All this started happening when my family didn't approve of our relationship from the start. I wasn't too happy about it but my then girlfriend who is going to be my ex sooner felt differently about our relationship. Different in a way that she has shown me how life is not all doom and gloom even if the people around us are trying to rip us apart... Apparently, whatever that's left from the hatred and anger that have been directed toward us are finally winning, I am set to lose in this game of life.

I love my wife and I love my son, no doubt about it. But something about our relationship and marriage just doesn't seem to work out, not especially when I am torn between trying to appease my parents and being happy with my wife and kid. This is probably the worst thing I have ever gone through in my life. I have never been good at trying to keep other people happy and I have often failed miserably at the end, and this is no different. It's just way too horrible and I never knew it would hit me so bad to the core that I am left feeling depressed even before the ink on the divorce petition is drying. Well not yet anyway. That's me. Just imagine what my wife is going through right now when she is hit with the revelation that I am divorcing her. Yes, I was the one who initiated the move.

I don't know what else to say here. I am stuck in a loop of sorrow that seems endless. But I know for sure one thing that has come to an end; our marriage. So far my eldest (oldest?) brother is the only one who knows about this. I can't bring myself to tell the news to my parents just yet. Wait until tomorrow or the day after.. But one thing is certain, they are not going to receive it that well.